The Break Down

Last Thursday I was pulling my trailer from Portland to Grants Pass. On the way my Jeep overheated, twice. When I first pulled off to the side of the road I had no idea what was wrong or what to do about it. I was on a mountain that didn't provide me with phone reception so naturally, I began to freak out. This is my journal entry that resulted:

5-21-09

Well I haven't journalled in a while. But now it seems I am forced to as I am broken down on the side of the road with no phone coverage. I am pretty shaky but I opened the hood and am letting the engine cool down. I would have called AAA because there is coolant all over the ground but like I said, I cant make a call. Oh Lord please help me to get through this! Every semi that passes moves my whole trailer with the wind...OK I went and cried about it and I am a little better now. This happened with my last car. When I took it to the mechanic he said there was nothing wrong. So I think I just need to let it cool down and then put some water in it. Now I see the preparation God was doing when my last car broke down. I am so ill equipped. All glory to you Father God. You are way bigger than my situation and command an entire army of heavenly hosts. I know you are here with me now and I trust your plan for my life. I cant say this is the best day ever. It started out on only 2 1/2 hours of sleep at 5:30 this morning. I was in a rush because I am actually, or excuse me, I WAS actually supposed to meet Jeremy in Grants Pass at 1:00 for him to do a quick repair to Little Miss. It is now 2:37. I am thankful that I wont really have any more deadlines after this. I opened my bible to Psalm 60! Again I cried with laughter this time! The people totter and quake, which is exactly what is happening to me! Oh my God save me for help from man is in vain. I must admit I wanted someone to pull over and help me but no one did. On but never doubt that my God is hear to save me!


I was so freaked out sitting there on the side of the road. My first reaction was to call somebody for help and then my second reaction was to find a stranger to help me. God was my third choice. Man what a loser I felt like! But you know God made it so I HAD to come to Him because he wants me to ALWAYS come to Him first. That chapter I read spoke directly to my situation talking about the people tottering while I was literally sitting there tottering. And at the end of it, He told me that He alone could save me. He might use people to come help me at times but it all came from Him. Through getting ready for this trip the Lord has stripped away so many masks that covered the realities in my life. We all know God provides for our financial needs. But when our job that we go to every day is sending us the paycheck, its easy to think that we are the ones who provide that. Its easy to think of it as our money and not His. The first time someone handed me money for this work of the Lord's, it really hit home that it wasn't my money. It really was God's and He really was the one that provided for me. God has broken down walls of security and comfort that I had up to bring me closer to Him and to a greater realization of His provision and greatness.