Going Back To San Jose

Well, I haven't blogged in a while because I have been trying to get my thoughts together so they are understandable. I had such and awesome time in San Jose. I met so may amazing people who love the Lord and was honored to be involved with a rad church that is doing local missions, which is what is obviously on my heart right now. Many people told me not to go including family and friends that don't even live in San Jose. Well I started praying about if I was even supposed to leave or not. I felt like the Lord wanted me to ask from Him a sign. So I asked this sign from God and He did not show me that before I left. So I left. I made it to Bakersfield CA and the first night I was here I started experiencing turmoil about my choice in leaving. I felt like I could not go on unless I was absolutely sure that I was doing the right thing. Not to mention that all my finances pretty much prohibited me from going any further. So I sought the Lord and had even a woman I had met only hours before telling me to go back. You see, I thought that those connections I had made and love that I experienced must have only been because I was passing through. Like I was valuable because I was leaving soon. It's easy to love someone if you know that it will only be for a short time. If I did go back, surely they would realize that I was just like any other and I would find out that everything awesome I had experienced, wasn't real at all. Well my brother in law gave me some scripture to read out of James 3:13-18. He said when I read that I would know which choice was the right one. Also Isaiah 30:21. Well the James one was about wisdom from heaven and how it brought peace and earthly wisdom brought strife. Isaiah is the one that says you will hear the voice of the Lord behind you saying to go this way or that way. As soon as I read it I knew I was supposed to go back to San Jose. At that moment I felt all of that turmoil leave me.

I grew up in an imperfect home with disputes going on around me and struggling just to make ends meet. In my adult years following I had created other struggles because of sinful choices I had made and the consequences that came with them. After having that real experience of a personal relationship with the Lord, which was about 5 years ago now, there were growing pains and other things I was struggling with. Then when I thought the Lord was blessing me with this adventure I had yearned for, the beginning of this experience met opposition and difficulty I had not expected. I was so blessed in San Jose but I guess my thoughts were "if I dedicate my life to following God, it is going to be one struggle after another. I accept that. I welcome it if that means I get to be close to God and fulfill my destiny. Surely God would not bless me with something that would make me so happy as to stay here with all these wonderful new friends." I wish I can say I was like Jacob and held on to that Angel until I got the blessing. But instead I went on thinking God would not bless me so greatly. Well let me tell you my friends, if you lose your life for Christ's sake, you will gain it back! I now see that God really does delight to give His children good gifts. I almost can't believe that God is this good! So gracious toward us! Also I realized that I had been asking for signs forever. I would say, if this happens then I will do that. The Lord took that 3rd party out of the equation and showed me that His word will speak directly to me and I have no need for something else to guide me. I thought the Lord was telling me I should ask for that sign, but I was wrong. He was showing me that I can hear His voice just fine and He will guide my heart at all times. Also He showed me that I need to not get so focused on the "Mission" or the "Ministry" that I loose sight of the One who sent me in the first place. So honestly, I have hesitated in blogging this because I thought people might be disappointed that I wasn't going to Florida right now as my original plan stated. But God is going to be doing amazing things in San Jose and He will not disappoint us! The church has a summer filled with more local outreaches and missions, which means I will have the body to partner with, and I met so many people that have a desire to see people saved. I am praying about all the details like where I will live and work and who to be involved with while I am there in ministry. I am not just going back to life as normal, my mission is still to fervently share the gospel with the lost. I am thinking about just a part time job in some secular place so I can learn how to merge missions with normal life, and still have lots of time for evangelism. I just know that I need to be open to my plans changing and the Lord directing me. Obviously your prayers are coveted and I just know that this is going to be one great summer!!!!!! There has been fruit from the time I was in San Jose and I do believe that there will be much more! I earnestly urge you to be obedient to the Lord! Whatever He is calling you to do! No matter how hard it seems and how scared you are. He wants to bless you beyond your imagination, but you may not find that land of plenty if you never step out to see. You will hear his voice behind you saying which way to go. So go now!!!! Go now!!!!!