I Receive All Things From His Hand

I was watching this movie with some of my new church family down here in San Jose called Defiance. If you haven't seen it I will give you a little overview. I didn't actually watch the whole thing because I was talking on the phone for over half of it. But basically it is about the Jews during the time of WWII I believe, and there was a group of them trying to get away from the Germans. Well they had lost everything and tons of them were killed and even more were dying from sickness. They were out in the forest and even just trying to get food was a risk. Well I walked in near the end of the movie to this Rabi saying a prayer to God. He was saying for God to chose another people because they did not want to go through these tough times any more. Man that hit me like a semi. Just earlier I was saying the end part of that prayer that I didn't want to go through these tough times any more. But it made me realize that there is always a price to pay. I could live the easy life and decide that I didn't want to belong to God, or I can push forward through the pain and know God's hand in my life like few do. It made me realize that if I could trade all the pain I have ever felt for not knowing what I know of my Savior, there isn't a chance in hell I would do it. It gave me fresh conviction that no matter how difficult or ominous the task seems, I need to press in with all my strength and move forward in the calling God put on my life.

I have been so blessed this last week by the fellowship and amazing people here in San Jose. I never expected to meet people I would love so quickly and cherish so deeply. I didn't plan on dealing with pain in leaving this place after just two weeks. I didn't know that God would bless me with the fruit of my labor as He did. But I receive all things from His hand, weather good or bad, and I trust that it is all bringing about more amazing things than I would have ever dreamed for myself. I have been trying to pray all morning and it is so much harder to do it alone. I have done things alone for a long time now but am realizing the weight of that solitude after being able to partner with the Calvary Chapel here. Please please pray for me. Pray that I would have the determination to labor in prayer and that I wouldn't be playing the defence but watching God be victorious. It is going to be a very hard next few days for me. My emotions are frenzied and stress is at a peek. Wash me in Your word Lord Jesus and quiet me with Your love!

God Is Mighty To Save!!!

Praise God!!!!!! I have been working with Calvary Chapel San Jose all week and I just have to say, they have been the biggest blessing to me since I left Oregon! It just so happened, and by that I mean God totally perfectly planned it all out before time began, that they are doing something called the Jerusalem Project while I am here. Basically to preach the gospel in Jerusalem and Judea. They did an outreach to San Francisco last week and this week is San Jose. From the very beginning I knew things were going to go well. The Lord had been speaking to me specific things about evangelism there in SF and when I heard about what the Lord was telling them, it matched up perfectly. On Tuesday we did a prayer walk around the neighborhood and got to pray for some people. We also got to take sandwiches down to a homeless shelter after we went to a mountain top that overlooked the city and prayed for a couple hours. There I got to talk to a guy who had recently been released from prison. He was a gang member and a murderer. I was with a 16 year old girl named Andrea and we shared the gospel with him and spoke to some of his reservations. On Wednesday I would say was the day I felt attacked. I see that the main tactic satan has been using as I prepare to go share the gospel, is that I am completely dissuaded. So that was how I felt. We went to the park and talked to some people, but we also spent a lot of time in prayer. Well yesterday it was all clear why I was feeling that way. It was a battle in the morning as we earnestly prayed for that evening. But we persevered in prayer until the Lord gave us peace and joy. Thursday nights in San Jose they have a gathering called Music in the Park. They have bands that play and vendors selling beer and food. It basically a public party. Well we showed up with something like 1200 bottles of water and boxes of bibles, sandwiches, chips, all kinds of goodies. People flocked and tons of people wanted the bibles too! I still haven't heard all of the accounts of the day but three people that my partner Shelly and I talked to got saved!!! I was so amazing. To see their faces as they received Jesus was beautiful!! There was literally a light in their eyes. Today we handed out fliers and went door to door meeting the people in the neighborhood and invited them to a bar-b-q we are putting on tomorrow. There will be some pro skaters putting on a demo, basketball and volleyball tournaments, and free food. I am excited to see what God will do tomorrow. I am exhausted. Most nights I didn't get home till around 10 pm. But I just had to take advantage of these incredible people at this church! They are all so awesome and it has been my great honor to work beside them. I cant believe that I got so attached but it will be very hard to leave next week. I was telling my sister how perfect it has been here and that I just don't see how it could be this perfect ever again! Oh me of little faith. Well I have so much more to fill you in on like some of the scriptures God used but I am so tired and have to wake and the break of dawn so I will be blogging in more detail in the very near future. Love you all so much and am so thankful for all of your prayers! Isn't it awesome and rad what God did?! He never ceases to amaze me.

The Night Season

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. O my soul, you have said to the LORD, "You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You." As for the saints who are on the earth, "They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight." Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god; Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer, Nor take up their names on my lips. O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance. I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope. For You will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Since I left Oregon I seem to have this dark cloud hanging over me. Every step seems to require concentrated effort and force. I have honestly wondered if I made the right choice in leaving. Even after confirmation upon confirmation and promise upon promise from God I wonder. I feel completely inadequate and unequipped. However, I know that these thoughts do not come from God. They come from my own weakness and from the enemy who seeks to destroy us all. Even in my own faithlessness God is still faithful. Why? That is just who he is. Even in my weakness He chooses mercy for me. "My goodness is nothing apart from YOU!!!" I am humbled by His goodness. I am weak in the knees from His love for me. I am comforted in my sorrow and trust all of His plans for me. The scars He bore are beyond beauty and His broken heart for the hurting and lost are more precious than diamonds. And I love diamonds :)

Last week I did some solo work on the streets of downtown San Jose. I was able to share the gospel with quite a few people and am learning so much about how to share that Good News and the importance of my own personal testimony. Each time I share the Gospel it gets easier and more clear. It is like a muscle that needs to be exercised. I was hugely, wait let me put the right emphasis there, HUGELY, blessed by Calvary Chapel San Jose. They felt like God had them not do foreign missions this year to focus on the local area. They spent last week in San Fran, in the same area I was in even, doing the same kind of relational based evangelism. This week they will be outreaching in San Jose and I will be able to partner with them and I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to be a part of the body here even if only for a short time. I mean, I wasn't even going to come to this area but the Lord kinda pulled me in this direction. I love how He worked all that out so perfect. I was encouraged to hear the account of those who also had gone to SF and experienced the same sort of discouraging thoughts because I realized that was not coming from God. Our hearts will instruct us in the night season and my heart is telling me not to be moved by adversity even though I am having this internal struggle. Last night the reoccurring word from the Lord was prayer, prayer, prayer. I need to be encouraged by God and I can only get that by talking to Him! Without God I am nothing and without his Spirit I am ineffective. I need to be prayerful every moment if I am going to make it through the night season. Please be praying for all of us who will be out there this week. God IS going to do awesome things. Among other things my prayer is that we might humble ourselves before our God to seek from Him a safe journey for us. That God would be glorified and Jesus would be lifted high. That souls would be healed and set free! That emptiness would be filled and that we would walk closely with our God.

San Fracisco to San Jose

So last week I worked really hard to make necklaces and hair clips to sell at the Haight Street Festival. I was hoping to sell out and make some gas money. But, I only sold two necklaces and made 30 bucks. Not what I was hoping for, and really neither was the festival. It was basically a big party scene. Everybody was doing drugs and drinking. There was a guy next to me selling glass pipes and he completely sold out of his stock. Everybody and their mom was buying things from him. And literally someones mom. This 40ish couple came by with pleated khaky pants and a polo shirt tucked in, buying a pipe. All the trannies walking by and addicts gathering together. It was a sad a broken place. It was literally the fringes of society. But, God sees each of their faces and wants to save them all. Unfortunately, most of them don't want to be saved. I did however get to share the gospel with two different people. I remember sitting there asking for God to send me whoever was ready to hear the gospel, it's hard to believe there was only 2 out of thousands! But that is our God isn't it? Leave the flock to find the one lost sheep? There was this really creepy guy that was walking around me when I was out there. Honestly I felt like he was possessed or something. Have you ever seen a video of a shark? Well you know how they don't look at you but sorta just swim by looking scary? That is how this guy looked. He didn't look at me but walked by multiple times and I just got this uneasy feeling of danger. I felt like it was army against army. I began to pray for all the people that those spirits were torturing that they would be set free and for that particular stronghold of satan's to be released. I also felt like he wanted to rob me, and when I put my backpack on and faced him square with a pointed look in my eye, he still had that blank look in his eye. Like he wasn't searching for something specific, just something. It was really scary. But nothing bad happened. God really is watching out for me.

Now I am in San Jose and staying at my aunt and uncle's house. I get to be plugged into electricity!!!! YAY!!! It's weird trying to live in the US as a missionary with just the basics in the middle of American indulgence. We buy anything we want whenever we feel like it. Why doesn't anyone want to hear the gospel? Maybe they are to busy listening to their iPods, I don't know. But as I learn more about missions work here in the US, I am more determined to make a difference. There have been moments where I feel like I am not making progress and that my impact is, at best, minimal in any given area. Granted I do not know the eternal impact of my actions, but we all want to see some kind of outcome from our hard work, right? Well that is my struggle right now. Every place I go I have to forge my way and it can be tiring. This week in San Jose I am looking into partnering with a church to do some outreaches here in the city. I am also trying to find some temp work to make a little gas money. I will admit that Texas seems a little daunting. I would love to go through it having the money I need for gas, but I will have to see how the Lord is going to provide. Apparently my necklaces aren't going to be enough!!!!! Hahahaha. Anyways, so this week I will do some more music and street evangelism and see how things go here. I continue to pray for a harvest and know that no matter what, God called me to this road and He wont leave me!

Everywhere I Send You, You Shall Go

Jeremiah 1:5-10
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. and before you were born I consecrated you, I have appointed you a prophet to the nations. Then I said, "Alas, Lord GOD! Behold I do not know how to speak because I am a youth." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say 'I am a youth' Because everywhere I send you, you shall go. And all that I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you" declares the LORD. Then the LORD stretched out His hand and touched my mouth and the LORD said to me "Behold I have put My words in your mouth. See, I have appointed you this day over the nations and over the kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant."

This was such an awesome passage to read this morning! I must admit I have been a little fearful the past few days. It took every but of courage in me yesterday just to walk out the front doors into the city. But like all things, as soon as you step out, everything changes. I got to go check out the YWAM SF base yesterday and then I went exploring around the city. I talked to a few people about Jesus which was awesome! One guy said he wanted to marry me and follow me wherever I was going and that he wanted to marry a good Christian woman. I told him I also was looking for a good Christian man. He didn't have a reply to that ;) My guitar is still in the shop but I am going to get it this morning and will play some music and give away coffee out on the street. The guy I talked to down at YWAM was saying that he felt shouting Jesus from the street corner tended to be ineffective. He said most people have an idea of the gospel, but a bad one. Building relationships and being able to speak that truth into their lives while they are receptive to you is the better way. So I will play my music and if I can offer a prayer or have a conversation about Jesus and what He has done for me then I will be happy! I have been working hard making necklaces and hair clips which turns out is a good thing. The Hait Ashberry Festival is this weekend so I will be trying to sell as many as I can! Everybody who has seen them says that is a great place to sell them and I would probably sell out. So pray that I can make a lot more really quickly and that people buy them all up!!! I will leave Sunday night to drive down to San Jose. There I have some family that I can hook up with and my cousin is the president of bound4LIFE, which is a pro-life advocate. I am excited to see what God has for me there as well. But today is going to be awesome and this weekend should be really cool! I am sure I will have plenty of opportunity to share the gospel in the next few days so please pray for all the people I will be talking to. Lord prepare their hearts!!

"Now behold, I have made you today as a fortified city and as a pillar of iron and as walls of bronze against the whole land, to its princes, to its priests and to the people of the land. They will fight against you, but they will not overcome you, for I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD. Jeremiah 1:18-19

The Nomad Lifestyle

The nomad lifestyle has taken some getting used to. I think there will probably be times that are easier, like when I can hook up to power and water, and times that will be a little more difficult, like when I am not hooked up. Every little thing I do is a bigger deal than if I had normal facilities. Washing dishes, going to the bathroom, taking a shower. All of those things required me to haul water there and then eventually dump it when I am done. Needless to say I have been trying to do those things as little as possible to keep life simple. I found the need to keep everything extremely organized so if I need to pack up some necessities to go stay somewhere or go do something, I can do it quickly. I have a bucket that catches water from the sink when I use it. It takes the place of a grey water tank that most RVs have and I have to dump it fairly often. So I was driving the other day and stopped at a rest stop to use the restroom, when I look back and see that bucket hanging on Little Miss! I had totally forgotten to take it off. I can't believe it didn't fall off while I was driving because it just hangs on a hook there! Right now I am staying in downtown San Francisco with my friend Aimee. I am beginning to see why the Lord put me here with her. He is teaching me things about human pain and how to speak to it, and how to see past the sin to see the person God is trying to reach. I am thankful for my time here and know that God is teaching me things I need to know while I am here. I have never worked with addicts or the mentally ill before. But God has brought me to two cities filled with them as the first places He wanted me to see. I will go over to the YWAM outreach center today where their main focus is to have a place for these people to go and have a friend who will eventually tell them about Jesus. I pray that it is an awesome time for me over there and that God speaks to me. I am listening Lord. Whatever you want to show me. I only plan on being here for maybe a few more days unless the Lord brings up a ministry opportunity that would hold me here. Today at some point I need to go get my guitar fixed. One of the buttons broke and I have to get a new machine for it. So when that gets fixed I think I will go play some music tomorrow maybe and have some free coffee for people out on the street. That's what I know to do so I will plan for it. The thing I love about making a plan, is that it leaves God open to changing the plan to be what He wants it to be. I know the Lord is teaching me some things that I don't know right now and am open to doing those things. So I will just plan to do what I know and let Him redirect me if He wants to! Yesterday I made necklaces and hair clips to sell. I don't know that I want to sell them tomorrow though. I figure that giving away free coffee and trying to sell my goods should be separate. Well I am going to get ready to go see the guys down at YWAM!!!! Very excited! Praying for God things there today!!!!

First Few Days

So it is Monday night. I left Saturday and made it to a small town called Shasta Lake to a Calvary Chapel there. That night I had a chance to pray for a lady named Helen who said she was going through some hard times. That was awesome. Earlier I met a guy named Gene who wanted me to take him away with me, however, he did not want to hear anything about Jesus. So there I left him! That night I was thankful for the opportunities God gave my that first day to share about Him, but I wanted more. That night I prayed with my sis that the Lord would bring me people ready to know Him! For the Harvest!!! Well I wake up Sunday and walked into that little church and what Scripture do I see on the wall? Oh just the one about the fields being white for harvest and pray the Lord of the harvest would send workers. Ya. And then the bulletin has that same verse on it and the pastor also used it in his sermon! Later that day I was sitting in the hot sun and could actually feel people praying for me! I felt like God was getting a heavenly army prepared for something BIG. So today I drove to San Francisco. I was not planning on coming here. I was going to go straight down to Bakersfield and then cut across the south over to Florida. Well by Godumstance, that is a circumstance that God put together, I ended up here! I have to say I was totally freaked out when I hit 4 lanes of traffic going 70 as I am putzing along at only 45. But you know, I made it ok. There were no accidents. Finally I realized I needed to stop asking God to deliver me from any hardship but instead to pray that God would overcome my fear! Why am I always so afraid and especially when I am about to do something totally rad?
So then my friend takes me to see a couple of her friends who are addicts. Oh you guys it was so sad to see! An entire city plagued by addiction, pain, insecurity, and sin. What in the world can I do Lord? They wont listen to me! What can I tell them? How can I ever show them how much You love them? I don't even understand how much You love them!!! I think it is awesome how God chose this city to be the starting place for this outreach. The pace is set you guys. I don't know yet what God has for me here in San Fran but I feel like I am beginning to see the vision more and more and God is developing my eyes and heart for others. I feel like the grench when his heart grew a little. It takes time but God can do make our hearts bigger! I will go to the YWAM base tomorrow. I actually contacted them a couple years ago because I was interested in going to this one. They have an urban focus which is what caught my eye. So they said I could come down and visit. I decided that I really need to focus on finding other believers to partner with in ministry while I am out here. Being alone and feeling like I don't want to stick out more than I do, I think it is wise to look for other Christians to hook up with along the way. So we will see what this week brings and I thank you all a million times over for all the prayers and I specifically ask that you would pray for awesome ministry oportunities with other Christians. Love you all and miss ya much!
Danelle

On Leaving and Deep, Deep Oceans

Its 24 hours till I leave Medford. I am totally freaked out. My nerves are going crazy and I can't stop thinking a million little things could go wrong. Today I am going to have to be courageous because I am really scared. I am scared of driving over the pass, I am scared of the wind blowing my rig over, I am scared to be going alone. Really, really scared. I keep having these conversations in my head where I go "But what about this? This is really scary!" and then I say "Yes but God is with you. It is going to be fine." Oh Lord. I have a lot to do today so thankfully that should keep my mind occupied. My auntie is coming over to help me also so thank you God! I mean why am I afraid of a mountain when my Daddy is the one who made them? When I told God I wanted to change the world, I didn't realize that He would change my whole world first. So here I come crazy world. We can be changed together!!!!!
I had a conversation with God last night. Not anything where He was audibly speaking to me or anything but I would say something and then imagine what His response would be. I know it sounds crazy but I have to counter act those fearful thoughts somehow you know? Anyways in this conversation I was telling the Lord that there was no way that I could step out into that deep, deep ocean because I would surely droned. He in response told me that I would be walking across the ocean and to believe Him. So tomorrow I will be stepping out onto a deep, deep ocean. Not into the ocean, but onto it. With God all things are possible and all glory goes to Him. I sure can't take it. Look at me, I'm a wreck!