The Night Season

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust. O my soul, you have said to the LORD, "You are my Lord, My goodness is nothing apart from You." As for the saints who are on the earth, "They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight." Their sorrows shall be multiplied who hasten after another god; Their drink offerings of blood I will not offer, Nor take up their names on my lips. O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot. The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance. I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope. For You will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Since I left Oregon I seem to have this dark cloud hanging over me. Every step seems to require concentrated effort and force. I have honestly wondered if I made the right choice in leaving. Even after confirmation upon confirmation and promise upon promise from God I wonder. I feel completely inadequate and unequipped. However, I know that these thoughts do not come from God. They come from my own weakness and from the enemy who seeks to destroy us all. Even in my own faithlessness God is still faithful. Why? That is just who he is. Even in my weakness He chooses mercy for me. "My goodness is nothing apart from YOU!!!" I am humbled by His goodness. I am weak in the knees from His love for me. I am comforted in my sorrow and trust all of His plans for me. The scars He bore are beyond beauty and His broken heart for the hurting and lost are more precious than diamonds. And I love diamonds :)

Last week I did some solo work on the streets of downtown San Jose. I was able to share the gospel with quite a few people and am learning so much about how to share that Good News and the importance of my own personal testimony. Each time I share the Gospel it gets easier and more clear. It is like a muscle that needs to be exercised. I was hugely, wait let me put the right emphasis there, HUGELY, blessed by Calvary Chapel San Jose. They felt like God had them not do foreign missions this year to focus on the local area. They spent last week in San Fran, in the same area I was in even, doing the same kind of relational based evangelism. This week they will be outreaching in San Jose and I will be able to partner with them and I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to be a part of the body here even if only for a short time. I mean, I wasn't even going to come to this area but the Lord kinda pulled me in this direction. I love how He worked all that out so perfect. I was encouraged to hear the account of those who also had gone to SF and experienced the same sort of discouraging thoughts because I realized that was not coming from God. Our hearts will instruct us in the night season and my heart is telling me not to be moved by adversity even though I am having this internal struggle. Last night the reoccurring word from the Lord was prayer, prayer, prayer. I need to be encouraged by God and I can only get that by talking to Him! Without God I am nothing and without his Spirit I am ineffective. I need to be prayerful every moment if I am going to make it through the night season. Please be praying for all of us who will be out there this week. God IS going to do awesome things. Among other things my prayer is that we might humble ourselves before our God to seek from Him a safe journey for us. That God would be glorified and Jesus would be lifted high. That souls would be healed and set free! That emptiness would be filled and that we would walk closely with our God.